They All Hurt, But This One Hurts Me More

I believe the women who accused Bill Cosby of drugging and assaulting them. And the men whom Kevin Spacey assaulted and harassed. And before Louis CK admitted it was true, I believed the women who accused him of being a Class A creep.

I was one of Louis CK’s biggest fans and that’s the only difference. I’m on his email list and have watched all of his specials and shows and eagerly anticipated the release of his now-cancelled new movie, I Love You Daddy.

Rumours about Louis surfaced several months ago. His former friend, and fellow comic Tig Notaro went public with rumours she had heard about Louis’ exposing himself to women. I love Tig but I loved Louis more so I hoped it wasn’t true. When asked, Louis said he wouldn’t respond to rumours. But why would Tig lie? She had nothing to gain.

The drumbeats got louder last week. Five women came forward with similar stories. Friends star Courteney Cox backed one of them up. Louis retreated and then admitted it was all true. He said he was sorry and he realizes now that he was wrong. He’ll stop talking and listen to what these women have to say.

Harvey Weinstein. Kevin Spacey. Brett Ratner. James Toback. Steven Seagal. All have multiple accusers. It’s an incomplete list. The size of this problem shocked many men but women know that crummy men take advantage of the power difference. Crummy men exist in every organization. I hope they’re quivering in their Louis Viuttons and worrying about when someone they mistreated will go public. It takes guts to name a name and weather the inevitable backlash and skepticism that comes. But it’s a favourable climate for speaking the truth and becoming part of the culture of change. We’re revealing our painful secrets and we’re not done yet.

An expert tells the NYPost why a man like Louis CK chooses this type of sexual assault. (Read it HERE). But if you’d rather read a thread of tweets about celebrities doing good things, that’s HERE.

A friend asked, “Didn’t you always think Louis CK was a bit of an a**hole?” An a**hole, yes, but the type who made me laugh and think about things in a new way. A loveable, curmudgeonly a**hole and not a creepy, predatory a**hole..  All a**holes are not created equal. Louis CK is finished. And even if he wasn’t finished, I’m finished with him.

 

3 Comments. Leave new

Shock, no. Surprise, no. the casting couch has been a long known issue for decades, the extent of the abuse is now coming to light. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely giving one the impression that they are beyond reproach and thus abuse occurs. Abuse occurs everywhere and always has, but it’s been hidden in closets and suppressed through intimidation, but the doors have been opened and the people empowered to speak out.

… and then we have to listen to a chronic abuser, at least for the next 3 years, President Trump!

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Skrunky LaBong
13/11/2017 10:45

I have a bunch to say about this whole thing but there’s no place I’m comfortable saying it. But I’ll try to summarize in what’ll probably be an inelegant way.
The stuff Louis did is gross. I have empathy for the people who were harmed. It sucks that anyone who complained was not believed immediately.
I also have sympathy for Louis. I don’t know if it’s the perv equivalent of gaydar, but I’ve felt an uncomfortable kinship with Louis since discovering his comedy. He struck me as being a deeply ashamed weirdo who’d been through some productive and challenging therapy, but still haunted by desires he knew would cause big trouble if left unmanaged. The defective thinking that made it possible for Louis to do the stuff he’s admitted to having done is familiar to me, and if not for the transformative power of good therapy and the work that comes with it, I could still be in the grips of it myself. From what I can gather, Louis cleaned up his [personal] act some years ago, and I suspect he was hoping that by keeping his nose clean in the present, the awful things he’d done in the past would eventually go away. What HE may have seen as not poking the bear and not intruding on the lives of people he’d offended against in past, probably ended up being perceived as ignoring and minimizing his past actions. The bell can’t be un-rung. Going silent and listening is about the only thing he can do right now to not make things worse. The current climate would take even a sincere, well-considered apology and tear it to shreds as evidence to bury him further.
In summary, my heart goes out to everyone traumatized by Louis’ exhibitionism. Knowing how guys like this are, I suspect there are parts of the story that have not come out and probably never will, unless there’s an autobiography in future. Louis looks to me like a man who’s made some great and necessary changes to his personality and behaviour, but he can’t escape his past actions. I love a redemption story, so I hope to catch Louis on the upswing when he’s able to make amends and get back to entertaining.

From one reformed perv to another: cleaning up your mind is possible and worth the effort, not just for the sake of others, but for you to live a good life.

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My heart sank, too, when I heard about Louis CK. I tend to live under a rock, so I had only just discovered his take-no-prisoners style of outrageous comedy on YouTube, and I was hooked. Louis CK was the only comedian who could work up a routine around the word “fag”, and convince me that it wasn’t about being gay (I am), but about – “being a fag”. It’s a very finely poised knife edge, but somehow I wasn’t offended. I laughed till I cried. I thought he was a genius of comedy, I still do. Comedy SHOULD turn things upside down in a way that makes you gasp.

I hear women’s outrage around these current revelations, and I feel it’s my duty to shut up and listen. I’m a gay male and I think I make every effort to treat women with dignity and respect, but as a male I I am so breathing the air of misogyny that despite my best efforts, I’m also part of the problem. I must be. We – I guess by “we” I mean patriarchal society – pay lip service to gender equality, but inequality is so institutionalized, so entrenched that the words are hollow. How many decades have progressives been fighting for one simple, logical redress like equal pay?

Men are in the “man box” from birth; we’re taught to suppress our emotions, we lack empathy. We barge in with “solutions” when we would do better simply to listen. We compete; women, even other men, become objects, collections or trophies on a mantelpiece. Somehow men have to learn differently, and I don’t know how that’s done.

Every human can fail; every human deserves the chance to make amends and to do better. Though I understand why women are raging and outing these guys, once the dust has settled, I hope that they can be allowed to make amends for their wrongs, and that they can be men who have failed, who have acted in appalling, creepy ways, and not just “creeps”. But they’ll have to shut up and listen to a whole lot of rage first.

Thanks for the opportunity to comment.

David Roddis, Toronto

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