LTC Volunteering Update is a Firm Maybe

It’s a couple of months into my volunteer position at Port Stanley’s Extendicare. I can’t decide whether it’s too much for me or I’m perfectly suited for it. I’ve decided to give it a year and reassess at that time.

During orientation, they caution volunteers about the difference between being friendly and being friends. We asked to spread ourselves around and spend time with everyone. There are practical as well as legal reasons for this.

For example, you don’t want to get so close that someone wants to put you in their will. That would be a huge issue for the home and the person’s family. It’s an extreme example but it has happened. There are dozens of residents in the home and each of them needs a different type and amount of attention. Even the guy who never says hello back to me – and he can definitely speak – needs someone to show they care. Some personalities are pricklier than others. Another man seems perfectly fine every time I’m there. Physically, mentally–he’s a bit of a leader, funny, and aware. Apparently that’s not his state all the time, though. Dementia is a sneaky, tricky, awful thief.

It’s no a surprise that we lose residents here and there but it’s still difficult when it happens. I’m finding it harder to bear than I thought I would. One woman in her mid-90s fell and died between my weekly visits. I had just spent a half hour visiting with her. The woman I met on my first day died last week. It’s often sudden and even though we can expect to experience the deaths of those we’ve met, it’s not pleasant.

Personalities Plus

We do have some fascinating people in the home right now. One man is deep into dementia and he imprints on someone for the day, every day, like a duckling without its mother. He follows that person everywhere. One day, it was me. He loves to sort things so it’s a challenge to find tasks to occupy him. The next week, he had no idea we had met before and he was following someone else.

Another woman talks of almost nothing but death. Her cheerful roommate – thankfully – finds the woman amusing. A paralyzed man is convinced he’s going to hurt someone and desperately wants to be stopped. He’s frantic about it every single day. It’s a matter of meeting people where they are in life and making them feel cared for and valued. We do puzzles, play games, and I listen as they talk about their families and earlier lives–my favourite part.

I’m Not Who They Think I Am

Most residents believe I live there, too so I go with it. (I live in the basement if anyone asks – and I’m not sure there IS a basement!) There’s nothing to gain from being right and making them feel wrong or confused. They see my volunteer badge but it doesn’t register. Whatever their reality is, unless it’s dangerous, is fine by me. Even if a resident complains about something, asking “is everything okay now”, is usually enough to remind them that they’re safe. A topic change is a lead they will often follow.

The level of care and the spirit of the whole place impresses me. I’m sure it’s not perfect but there’s a lot of enthusiasm and friendliness from staff towards each other and the residents. From the PSWs to the kitchen staff to the specialty people like the exercise instructor–everyone’s always on the move and helping others. There are lots of problems in long-term care homes, I realize that. And I’m only there for 90 minutes a week. But this one doesn’t seem understaffed. And the residents are mostly talkative and cheerful. That’s a sign of a home with dignity, health, and love at its core.