How did you mark International Men’s Day? I’m betting you didn’t even know it happened.
It was on November 19th and it passed without much notice. I had complex feelings when a male friend told me about it. On the one hand, many men are struggling and need help. On the other, a day no one notices isn’t going to do them much good.
Men’s Problems are Real
It’s true that men are at greater risk for homelessness, suicide, many cancers, and they tend to not live as long as women. They’re also often raised to be “tough” and bury their feelings. They suffer in silence with mental health issues as a consequence. Important challenges faced by men should be addressed.
But one of the reasons the “day” isn’t catching on is because as a group, men haven’t been oppressed. They’ve traditionally been the oppressors. There’s a snappy comeback anytime someone asks why there isn’t a White Lives Matter movement or a Straight Pride Day. Because those things take place every day. We mark special days for the oppressed and marginalized, not for the ones who hold them back.
It’s a sweeping generalization, but that’s what these special days are based on. No one prevented men (as a group) from entering the workforce, voting, or having the final say about what happens to their own bodies. Based on their gender, men weren’t shunted to the back of the bus, stopped from going to school or eating in certain restaurants. It’s simply not the same thing as women, racialized people, people with disabilities and other groups have experienced based on a single characteristic.
We Need to Take Care of Men
Men do need supports and health programs and all of the things that will help them and those who love them live better lives. But International Men’s Day has been around since 1999 and it’s still not getting the traction it needs to inspire a line of Hallmark cards, let alone widespread community involvement.
I have a suggestion: let women take it over. I’m serious. Women wouldn’t have been able to advance without male allies. Let women return the favor. We’re great at organizing things and getting attention for them. We’ll redesign the whole concept and make it newsworthy so it attracts support. Because right now, as much as I love men and want them to be healthy and happy, this whole idea just doesn’t sit right. And it’s clearly not working.
International Women’s Day celebrates how far women have come, in general. However, I think the scoope of International Men’s Day is too broad and vague. Narrow it down to Men’s Mental Health Day, maybe. Women would encourage other women to prod the men in their lives to talk about their issues and seek help. Men, you need us on this. We’ll even bring the snacks.
I’ve often wondered why with an international woman’s day why there wasn’t an international men’s day and now I know why, no one ever talks about it.
Yes, we can use support and encouragement to talk about our feelings and mental health. Just opening and talking can go a long way or bringing the topic out of the dark shadows and into the light.
We’ll often hear people say, “If you want to talk, give me a call,” but when you reach out to them, they’re not there.
International men’s day I think gets lost in Movember.
I’ve often given thanks for my Irish heritage for getting me through the tough times and challenges, but the isolation that comes with being a senior, disabled and single I often wonder what keeps me going. Although at the moment I feel like I’m on the edge.
That’s a good point about getting lost in “Movember”, Allan. I wish I had some wise words to suggest about being on the edge. I’m sure you’re aware of what’s available to assist, entertain and educate people who are blind. But for anyone else, I found this directory of community resources compiled by the Canadian Council for the Blind in the GTA. It’s huge! http://www.ccbtorontovisionaries.ca/community.php
You’re brilliant