When I was younger, I never thought I was very good at being alone. I looked after myself, of course, and did little things to make myself happy – like riding the subway all over Toronto to explore on my own – but I don’t think I had enough interests back then. I could have joined a club or something and done more with my time.
But I’m not being judgmental of myself in hindsight. I’m merely noticing the differences and that’s a good thing. I think that knowing that we could do better now is an important sign of growth.
Now I’m definitely not single but I manage alone time much more effectively.
While parents of young kids scrambled to get them ready for school, and kids counted down the hours of summer break, Derek and his buddies were in Indianapolis for drag races all Labour Day weekend. This has been a tradition they’ve kept up for several years now. One year, I went to BC and hung out with my pal Erin. This year, I’ve been home alone and kind of loving it.
Alone But Never Lonely
There are a thousand things I enjoy that have nothing to do with anyone else. Like writing. Or zipping around to see some friends. Concentrating hard on turning one of my ebooks into a paperback-on-demand via Amazon. (Could it BE any more tedious?) Going around the house with touch-up paint for a couple of baseboards. I’m telling you, the excitement is palpable!
And then there’s food. I graze when Derek isn’t around for three square meals a day. And I eat stuff that would make him run to McDonald’s. Lentil salad. Riced cauliflower. Fresh salmon. Heavenly to me. Horrifying to Derek. I eat these favourites when he’s home, too, but when he’s not, I don’t need to think about what he might want as well.
And I refuse to make the bed. There were times in the past when our linens would resemble a birds nest but it’s not that bad, this time.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Cuddles and I miss him, there’s no question about that. But we make the best of it. I go to bed early – 8:30 or 9 to read – and get up early. I’ll rise anywhere between 4:30 and 6 am. And sometimes I don’t put my hearing aids in for a couple of hours. The silence is blissful.
Having said all of this, I much prefer it when Derek is home. But we are separate people with varying interests. I will be eternally grateful to his buddies who also enjoy five straight days of drag car racing because it’s not something I want to attend with him – even if he did get to meet Mike Hall from the Rust Valley Restorers TV show.
And Derek doesn’t want to do some other things I like to do. It’s only fair. I even started watching Emily in Paris! Alone time works well now for both of us because it’s limited. It has an end date. Unlike when you’re young and single and it seems like an endless road ahead. (There’s nothing wrong that, or with being older and single, either.)
We need new things to talk about when we’re together, right? If you’re joined at the hip 24/7 you don’t bring anything fresh to the table. It’s good for the relationship to miss each other sometimes. And it’s always a wonderful moment when he arrives home safely asking, what’s there to eat!?