Miss Sugar’s Lament

Greetings my little nap-lovers! Did you miss me last week? I certainly missed the human bean known as Mother while she was away. Although Father is my obvious favourite, she is the second most important bean in my world. We’re not a complete family unless she is here, too. When she finally arrived home in the middle of the night, I ran toward her mewling as loud as I could, to show my happiness. It was a sweet reunion. So now we can get back to the business of blogging.

Apparently, I offended some beans of the canine variety in my last post. Truthfully, I had no idea so many dogs read my blog. I didn’t think they were smart en… no, no Sugar, you promised yourself you wouldn’t do that anymore. This is what gets you into trouble!

I did make some rather insulting comments and before I formally apologize, I must explain. First, I have previously written about the evidence that cats and dogs can be friends, so I know it is possible. And second, may I draw your attention to the old fable about the scorpion and the frog. They both want to get across a pond and the scorpion says, hey frog, give me a ride on your back. The frog says, no way, you’ll sting me and I’ll die. The scorpion replies, why would I do that? If you die we both drown. So they set out across the pond and they’re about halfway when the scorpion stings the frog. As they start to go under, the frog asks, why? And the scorpion says, it’s my nature.

It pains me to compare my gentle self to a scorpion, but I must. And I have my reasons. I’ve never really known a dog, nose to snout, and those I’ve become acquainted with seem quite intimidating. Gracie, the pony next door, has a bark that would make the most courageous courier take a pause. And even though Mother assures me Gracie is a “sweetie”, the sound of her voice makes me shiver a little.

Uncle Kevin’s dog Nacho is nice enough but I feel that the only reason she hasn’t chased me to exhaustion is because of her excellent training. When Kevin says “no” as in, no don’t chase the cat, Nacho responds accordingly. Thank you Uncle Kevin!

I did have the opportunity to sniff another cousin, Willow, when she was in a deep sleep. She’s the size of a small bear but she didn’t stir upon my approach.

To Rusty and his human bean Allan, I apologize for my insults aimed at Rusty’s species. Rusty has a job as a guide dog which is more than I can say, unless unemployed supermodel counts.

To beautiful Ali, a rescue dog who’s come a long way thanks to the patience and love of her rescuer and our friend, Cindy, please accept my apology. Ali, you’ve had enough unfairness in your early life. You don’t need more from me.

And to Nacho who didn’t complain about my ranting but nonetheless, as my cousin, still deserves to hear that I didn’t mean it.

Like the addict who takes several attempts to overcome his addiction, or the runner who tries every day to exceed her personal best – so too will I attempt to alter my ways. But I must admit, my little hairball makers, the word “filthy” has been joined to “dog” for longer than I can remember. It won’t be an easy habit to break.

Thank you for indulging me as I work toward becoming a better me. As I’m already almost perfect, when I attain perfection, I’ll be insufferable! The moral of today’s story is, don’t be a mean scorpion but even more than that, don’t be a dumb, gullible, drowning frog.

With love always, even to filt… I mean, to dogs, I remain your friend,

Miss Sugar