Cat Day Afternoon ~ by Miss Sugar

I’m already bored with calling my weekly blog Tuesday Sweets. I’m feeling a little sour today, actually. Annoyed. Fur in a knot. Deeply disappointed. Like someone else caught the mouse even though I did all of the chasing to tire it out.

Cat Day, October 29th, came and went without a proper hoopla. My humans should have thrown a fabulous party with exquisite gifts for moi. I would also suggest my likeness created by a famous sculptor using the medium of soft cheese. Instead, what occupied my humans, besides the ongoing settling-in of our home? This article in People Magazine that claims to decode what we cats are saying. Rest assured that it is as wrong as pineapple on pizza (according to Father) or gravy on French Fries, in Mother’s eyes.

The so-called doctor behind this misinformation claims that we kitties are always saying hello when we deliver a short “meow”. Really, doctor, if that is your real profession; my people are meant to believe that a series of short meows means, Hello! Hello! Hello! Silly goose. A short meow, once and for all, translates to English as, “kindly do something to please me in a way that I should not need to explain”. We prefer to tighten our phrases because we may have 9 lives, but they’re short. We don’t like to waste time, unless we are napping, eating or … did I mention napping? I did? Well, one can never nap too often or for too long.

The doctor is really reaching with most of his analyses. For instance, he says purring denotes either happiness or distress, as does yowling and chirping. Come on, doc. This is like telling the world that waving a white flag signals surrender or attack! Pick one, you Guessy Guesserson of Guessville!

The audacity is enough to put me off my kibble. I’ll accept only creamy chicken pate from now on, please.

Read deep into the article to learn the truth. This doctor is a dog specialist from the website Rover. The nerve of a dog expert claiming to know what a cat means when she speaks! It’s insulting, that’s what it is! And I implore you to ignore it. We have much more to say than just Hello and Play With Me. You simply can’t go wrong with assuming every sound we make means, “rub my belly”.

Well my lovelies, I do feel better after getting this substantial annoyance off my soft, fuzzy chest. The dog doc has People Magazine but I have you, my catnip creatures! I’d love to cover you in my fur like I have every square centimetre of this house. Until next Tuesday, always remember: aim for the litterbox but if you miss it, it’s not your problem!

Much love and purrs,

Miss Sugar