The question I asked myself was, where can I buy a can of turkey gravy and a container of PolyFilla? I’m very tired and must get home to nap so this magical place must not be out of my way. Only one store came to mind: Walmart.
Walmart on a Saturday afternoon must be a horrible place. It’s not so bad on a weekday morning around 9:30. One can grab a can of gravy and a tube of quick-dry wall filler and get out in just a few minutes. (Side note: Renovations are complete at the Walmart on Wellington. It now has a produce section that rivals any grocery store in London.)
When it came time to get handy it was important to remember that the gravy was not for the ceiling hole and PolyFilla would not go well with mashed potatoes. I removed the red cap from the tube and …
The tube wasn’t new at all; it was actually previously enjoyed. Some Facebook friends were surprised but others, not so much. Iain wrote: “Watch the lineup of people returning fans to Canadian Tire in September. You’ll get a good idea who you’re up against.”
I carried on, noting that the tube was mostly full. I climbed a step-stool, reached up to the ceiling, gave the tube a squeeze and SPLAT! The back end split and PolyFilla snaked onto the floor. The exact opposite of what I wanted it to do.
Again, disappointing, but I cleaned it up, and had plenty of goop with which to complete the job at hand. I replaced the cap, taped the other end and decided I’d cut the darn thing open with a knife next time if I needed to. And I didn’t take it back. I went to my receipt, found the web address for the survey – there’s always a survey – and told them what happened.
Here’s my reasoning. The tube cost $3.99 and contains nearly the expected amount of PolyFilla. They probably have to accept all returns, even when it’s obvious the thing being returned was used. Or maybe some ass-clown shopper cut it open, squeezed a bit into a container, and left. Who knows? They’d log my story via the survey and share it with employees above the single-store level. At the store, a cashier would nod resignedly and that would be the end of it if I took it back. My time is valuable. I don’t want to spend it lined up when I don’t have to.
Some people were quick to tell me where I went wrong. “You should have gone to Lowe’s!” Who’s to say something like that couldn’t happen at Lowe’s? Let’s put blame where it belongs; on the cheapo twerp who took stuff without paying for it. Besides, Lowe’s didn’t stock turkey gravy the last time I checked.