Bladder Saver

Lately I’ve been making fairly regular trips back to my hometown. Well, I have three hometowns, and I’m traveling past or to at least one of them on these road trips. I drink coffee. I always take along a bottle of water. When nature calls, I’m caught in that all-too-familiar state of wondering how to answer. A stroke of genius hit me on Sunday.  

Here’s the plan: When you sell your house, you must retain at least one original bill for hydro or gas. Your realtor must put a clause into the contract that the new owner signs, and it stays valid in perpetuity. For example, if I knock on the door at 412 Elizabeth St. in Grimsby and display my hydro bill with that address on it, they have to let me in to pee! 

Think of the possibilities. You, the visitor, now have someplace to go where you won’t have to wait in line or feel you need to buy a pack of Tic-Tacs or a muffin you don’t really want, in exchange for using a toilet that’s probably in questionable condition. For the homeowner, it’s incentive to always keep the bathroom spic and span in case a previous owner drops by with their legs crossed and a pleading look in their eyes. 

I’ve pulled over in desperation at gas stations, fast food joints, tourism info centres, an arena packed with young hockey players and their parents and countless other places. I would much rather have taken my chances down the familiar hallway of a home of my youth. The interruption would be quick. If you have the time, the new owner might want to show off a few things they’ve done to the place. If not, you can tell them you’ll see it next time. And there will be a next time. Somebody get a real estate agent on the phone and let’s make this happen before I have to hit the highway again.