This book came to my attention because Derek was hired to narrate it for an audiobook. Many times through the process he would share with me a phrase that resonated with him, or tell me an anecdote from it that hit close to home. Once the audiobook was finished, I purchased a copy from North Atlantic Books and popped it on a memory stick which I listened to while I drove.
The book’s author is psychotherapist and grief counsellor Francis Weller. He’s seen it all and experienced much of it first-hand. Grief comes in many forms; the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship and even our reactions to the destruction of our planet – that’s a form of grief too. Weller’s main message is that we are not only entitled to grieve, if we don’t, we’ll just carry it around in the form of a complex or dimmed outlook on the world. We are programmed to equate emotional reactions with shame, and we carry that shame with us. Weller says it’s okay to react, to wail, to feel pain even when it feels like we “shouldn’t”. He says we must.
Weller conducts grief rituals. Some of them sound a little bit goofy and some of his statements are a little out there, but 85% of what he says is entirely relatable and somewhat illuminating. Having taken part in a drumming ritual at a ceremony for a friend who died, I can attest that these practises aren’t goofy at all when you’re in them. It’s reading about them that feels a little strange.
Imagine my surprise when I burst into tears over Weller’s story about trying to make up for unthinkingly hurting his son’s feelings. (Where the hell did THAT reaction come from?) Was that repressed grief? Or was it just me being over-tired and emotional? It doesn’t matter. It touched my heart and I was moved by it. And I took his message to heart. Don’t be cynical about grief. Don’t say, “I shouldn’t feel this way”, or, “I should be over this by now.” It will take as long as it takes and Weller beautifully explains the advantages to living fully in the clear and present knowledge of the limitations of time. It’s a wonderfully written book and also wonderfully read by my husband! Grief is a universal experience. Most advice tells us how to get past it. This book helps us get through it, and become better off for having done so. And it’s expertly read!
Note: The paperback and e-reader versions of The Wild Edge of Sorrow are available via Amazon and other retailers. As of this writing, the audiobook is only available from North Atlantic Books, here and at Audible.