Perhaps you’ve read a self-help book or two about how to argue. Maybe you’ve taken a class or been in marriage counselling or took another type of conflict resolution lesson. So, you know that the number one rule is to focus on how you feel, and not to attack the other person. And you separate the behavior from the individual. “I love you Timmy, but I don’t love that you hired that hooker!”
Perhaps we need a mandatory class on solving conflicts. Maybe you’ll need to take it when you go for your driving test to get your license, or better yet, to get a marriage license. The course leader would need to make it abundantly clear that this approach applies to all conflicts, in all situations, in real life and online.
I should be keeping track of how many listeners text our radio station to say either, “Liberals always think they’re right”, or “Conservatives think they know better than everyone”. These reactions always start from an illogical or expensive idea from one ideology or the other and they devolve into a sweeping statement.
Last weekend, potential PC candidate and life-long Conservative party member Derek Duval was disqualified from running in an Ottawa-area riding because of a locker-room video. In it, a man is seen eating something off a hockey stick that turned out to be poutine. Someone in the PCs decided it was a hamster – yes a hamster! – and tossed Duval’s name out of contention. Although Duval has signed up many more party members than his rival, he claims they preferred the other candidate and gave her the nod instead, using the video as an excuse.
The social media reaction included variations on how stupid the PCs are, in addition to the ridiculousness of the supposed reason for their decision. There are people on social media who are right to poke holes in ideas, but unless there’s criminal activity going on, what’s the point of attacking the person or the whole ideology? Where does that get us? Attack my opinion any time you want, but as long as it’s not based in hatred or harmful, don’t attack me for having that opinion. This is at the heart of where North America is right now. And it’s getting us nowhere.
If someone attacks the person instead of their opinion it’s because they don’t have a good reason for their own opinion which means they aren’t able to back it up with logic. That’s my opinion!