I’ve long admired the mission and motives of Dad Club London. They’re a bunch of Dads and dads-to-be who help each other navigate the complicated world of dad-hood. This is not your father’s diaper duty.
Government, perceptions and laws are slow to change with the times. When the Family Responsibility Office (FRO) opened as a branch of the Ontario Social Services Ministry, tens of thousands of so-called Dead-beat Dads were in arrears on child support payments. Too many Dads were walking away from Moms and leaving them high and dry. FRO went after them, no matter what country they lived in or how much or little they were earning, and made them step up. They held them by the ankles and shook the loonies out of their pockets if they had to.
The FRO still has an important role to play but it’s not impartial. If a Dad submits a court order to FRO showing that it’s time that his support payments are terminated (say, in the case of a child becoming a self-sufficient adult), FRO will still wait for the Mom to respond and agree, or they will continue to extract money from the father. If that Dad ends up over-paying thousands of dollars, FRO won’t do anything to help him. He will have to fight the Mom in small claims court. This situation still pits the estranged parents against each other and forces a fight, or the Dad walks away feeling taken advantage of.
Relationships are complicated. I personally know three Dads who have primary care responsiblity for their children and this is nothing new. Dad Club London was started by Tyler who was in the army when he and his wife had their children. They decided to make a major lifestyle change and he stayed home with the kids while she continued with her career. He says on his website bio with a bit of a wink, “Staying at home full time with a savage 3-year-old is way more difficult than surviving an arctic exercise with a tin cup and steel bag of food…”
They have get-togethers where they seek each other’s advice. They raise money for Women’s Community House, London’s foremost shelter for abused women. Other upcoming events include a Dad Club Hair School where a professional shows Dads how to get their little girl’s hair ready for the school day, and they’re running a contest for a deserving Dad. Someone will win $500 for Christmas and they promise to keep the winner’s identities secret. They also understand pride. You can find contest details on Twitter and Facebook, under Dad Club London.