The scene: the doctor’s office, as his kindly face is within millimetres of mine, perusing the eradication of a minor skin issue. And we pick things up mid-conversation:
Dr. H: You have bunny lines!
Me: Bunny lines? What are bunny lines?
Dr. H: (grabbing the most powerful mirror on the planet and holding it up so I can see myself in all my 50x magnified glory) Squint!
Me (squinting): Do you mean my nose?
Dr. H: Yes! See those? They’re just like when a bunny sniffs. They’ll eventually make permanent lines if you don’t take care of them.
Me (noticing the lines completely disappear when I stop squinting): Oooookay…
Dr. H: What about your eyes?
Me: What about them?
Dr. H (patiently): Crow’s feet my dear.
Me: I’ve earned them from laughing! They don’t bother me.
Dr. H: Yet. But you need to attack them early!
Me: Ooookayyyy.
Dr. H: Would you like a brow lift?
Me: My brows are falling too?
Dr. H: You haven’t noticed?
Me (joking): Look away! I’m hideous!!
Dr. H (serious): No, you’re a beautiful woman. I’m talking about grades of beauty. I could make you MORE beautiful!
Me: Well, I’ll give it some thought, ok? But for now, can we just get back to……