I couldn’t have planned this better.
On Twitter yesterday morning, two separate news outlets tweeted a headline to the same story, back to back.
The first read: 21-year old charged in connection with shooting death.
The second: Arrest made in London’s 4th murder of the year.
Which one has a bigger impact and tells you more about the story? For starters, it’s not a “shooting death” it’s a murder. A young father was murdered on the street when he was shot during an altercation with two men. Death and murder are two very different things. Death describes the ultimate transition that will eventually happen to us all. Murder is much more specific and tells you that this person’s death was not an accident or the result of an illness. Someone took their life.
Now let’s take “in connection with”. Wimpy wording. Was the guy charged with illegally selling fake Rolexes near the scene of the killing? No, he is accused of being the killer. He has been arrested because he is suspected of killing the victim, not in connection with killing him. Weak.
There have been five murders so far this year in London. I don’t know how many people keep track but it’s my business to do so. Saying the arrest comes because of the 4th murder is also specific and tells more of the story. The first tweet doesn’t allude to which “shooting death” the arrest is “in connection with”. Was someone shot last night? Were they shot three years ago? The second tweet tells you it’s recent, it’s current, and as for me, I know immediately that it’s the young man who died from two gunshot wounds, not the 40 year old shot outside a bar, which was the 5th of the year.
This is an excellent example for news writers everywhere. Be specific. Use the language to its max. A shooting death is a lot less powerful than a murder. I will take a leap and guess that the first tweeter is less experienced than the second one and that has a lot to do with their command of the language and their confidence in using it. So if you’re a relative newbie to news writing, take this tip and leap ahead of your contemporaries. It makes a huge difference in how you are perceived and understood.